"I Don't Give."

That was a popular bit of parlance 'round about when I was in the fourth grade. For a bunch of nine year olds all too eager to be bigger than we were it sounded strangely adult. I'm sure, though that we were oblivious to the remainder of the statement which, to grown ups, was so patently obvious. I remember my mother once lambasted me for making the statement in her presence. She was, to her credit, more concerned over my pretense of childish apathy than by the implied profanity.

I think this is a statement that we, as a culture, don't use nearly often enough. I think it really is time to take a look at what is and is not important. Let's all say it together, pretend that we're children in kindergarten calling back to a song or to the rote teaching of our schoolmistress. I'll say something and everyone else say "I don't give." All together now:

Anna Nicole Smith --- Everybody say "I Don't Give."

Brittany is Bald --- Everybody say "I Don't Give."

BradGelina --- Everybody say "I Don't Give."

America's Next Top Model --- Everybody say "I Don't Give."

American Idol --- Everybody say "I Don't Give."

Celebrity Gossip --- Everybody say "I Don't Give."

MTV --- Everybody say "I Don't Give."

Political Sex Scandals --- Everybody say "I Don't Give."


I'm sure you can think of some others. What else do you think deserves an "I Don't Give?"