The Long WInter's Nap

I have some trepidation about winter and spring holidays. Too much of this part of the year has been rent and wrought with heartache and loss for these months to be anything but sorrowful and bittersweet.

We buried my grandfather on Christmas eve.

I am reminded of my first lover and first betrayer on her birthday: Christmas day.

I faced my first bullet on new years' eve.

I nearly lost my leg the first week of February.

My best friend from my college years passed away this Valentines' gone.

There is something deep an ominous in the coming and going of winter. There is something eternal kept in the souls of those that passed in the dark season. The cold makes the difficult memories all that harder to salve. The nights are long and the things that try our souls seem so much more immediate.

That said, it is still the time of gifts, trees, feasts and family. It is the one moment in all the year when everyone agrees on what is important and that thing is not profit, not career, not sports, not politics, not any half-designed victory but rather the immediacy of kin, kinfolk, the giddy joy of children, the touch of a lover in cold nights, the roll of a full-feasted belly and the rememberence of times past.

This time of year will never be easy for me, but that does not at all diminish it's meaning.

To the boys of the NYPD choir, still singin' 'Galway Bay.'

Happy Xmas. Brightest Blessings.


Tom Harper said...

Nice remembrance. I don't have any specific bad memories that I associate with this time of year. But the "holiday season" is always an emotional roller coaster for me. I'm not generally over-emotional, but at this time of year I seem to find everything either sad, funny, maddening, or deeply moving in some way.

Beekeepers Apprentice said...

I've been lucky, 40 years gone and no major losses yet. That's just pure luck, though...I know that.

Merry Xmas, Thomas - I hope the upcoming year is better than the last.

nursemyra said...

Have you told the story here about how you nearly lost your leg?