Years ago, when my mother was a case manager for the State of Wisconsin, she had a wooden desk plaque that read, “Sheer 'd Phuk UP.” I'm reminded of this today because, for no reason I can divine, the whole world seems to be in a really crappy mood.
Did something happen today?
I mean, of course something happened today. All sorts of things happen every day but did something big and depressing happen today and somehow I missed the news? My neighbor, who was out working on his truck, was tight lipped and gruff in that leave me the hell alone kind of way. The barista at the coffee shop was snippy and dismissive. The guy at the table beside me snapped when I reached to retrieve his cigarette lighter when it was knocked to the floor. For the first time in six months I gave fifty cents to a beggar and he complained that nobody's given him a whole dollar today. The horn honking quotient is vastly above normal.
I can't understand it. By all accounts it's a fantastic day. It's Sunday, so most folks aren't pissed about work. The weather is fantastic; sky clear, temperature mild and comfortable, a perfect spring day. There's no major traffic or construction delays in my part of town. I looked at the news and there's no major national crisis so will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?
Who pissed in Atlanta's collective corn flakes? Is it national sourpuss day and I didn't get the memo? Does everyone around me have a close friend that I've managed never to meet who just died in a bizarre bee keeping accident? Is there some sort of radiation to which I'm immune? Is it a sports thing? Did some team I can't be bothered to care about loose? Did everyone get their hot water turned off on the same day? Did the price of gas shoot up to fifteen dollars a gallon and I haven't noticed? Did everyone just now realize that they can't buy beer on Sunday?
I've never been big on the everybody-be-happy school of thought but for Gods' sake, the weather's nice, major sports aren't on strike, there's no plague threatening to wipe out humanity and here in the USA we're not having to hide in our bathrooms every time there's an air raid. Can you people just count your blessings? Y'all are really killing my buzz.
Sheer 'd Phuck UP.