I'm Terrified of Flying.

Even before 9/11 they decided that only ticketed passengers could go to the gate. After 9/11 came the no fly lists, the larceny of nail files and knitting needles, the de-shoeing and the rules about liquids that I still can't understand except for the assertion that ultra-fundie nitwits can apparently mix dynamite from toothpaste, root beer and cologne.

In the end, all of this hullabaloo scares the shit out of me.

Mind you, I'm not scared that terrorists might try to hijack or blow up my plane. Those possibilities don't bother me in the slightest. What bothers me is that, if my plane is hijacked or blown up, it will be because the TSA and the rest of the Department of Homeland Paranoia have their heads completely up their collective asses.

Why do I say this? Because they banned razor blades and nail files only after 9/11, because they started checking shoes only after that Seattle stoner lookalike tried to set his loafers on fire and because they started regulating liquids only after the Brits discovered a plot to make boom-boom goop in airplane toilets. That last plot, incidentally, Turned Out to be as Full of Shit as the septic reservoirs of the planes that I now have to run an obstacle course, give a blood sample and sing Hail to the Chief to be allowed to board.

I will only even begin to feel safe when the TSA and similar agencies can begin to think ahead of the terrorists. Then, and only then, will they have even begun to justify their own existence, let alone all of the headache they have caused air travelers over the last seven years.

Until that happens, harken CEO's of floundering airlines, I'm taking the fucking train.


Rusty said...

I hadn't flown since about 1999 or so until last year, when I flew three times. It's all incredible bullshit. I mean, like a trial size tube of toothpaste filled with C4 couldn't do some serious damage. Like they'd catch that most of the time. It's kind of like a janitor pissing on the floor so he'll have something to clean up.

Dwight's Writing Manifesto said...

Brother, I make it a point not to disparage someone else's political values.

Smart people can lead parallel lives and come up with perfectly rational reasons to embrace different political values.

But Dude... The logic of your liberalism is truely tested by the assertion in your post.

You REALLY believe that your government, as a gestalt entity, is smarter than an individual bent on destruction.


I -- If you -- Uhm, Dont you see --


Government is a huge, deadly, slow-lumbering Ettin with one miopic eye. It'll never outrun or outsmart Odyseus.

Lots of people hate what the CIA represents. Fine. The Company has made mistakes. Absolutely.

But fundementally, the function of the CIA is to replace the lumbering Ettin with smart, nimble, deadly little Odyseuses of it's own.

You must loose the dogs of war and hope they kill what they are supposed to kill and come back when they are supposed to come back.

If that happens with 97% reliability, then praise the deity of your choice and sign the effing bill for Black Ops funding.

AZ said...

Well, I agree that out thinking someone who wishes to harm you is a wily talk indeed. The best we can do is be prepared. And on a plane? I agree with you. We can't be prepared 20,000 feet in the air. Sorry, without that plane holding you up, you are screwed with a big horse cock. No preparation is helpful in that instance.

AZ (autumn zephyr) http://www.kitchandgiggles.blogspot.com