12/20/2009

And Then There Was One

I am, in industry parlance, the LMO, The Last Man Out. The production is completely shut down, the facility sterilized, the rentals all returned, the accounts closed, the crew and staff all given their t-shirt and final paycheck and sent on their way. The gig has played out and all the things most people think of as 'making a movie' are done with.

Only I am left to sweep the floor, shut off the lights and lock the door behind us.

Normally I find this to be cathartic, a bittersweet moment, an exhalation and a congratulation after a job complete. I drive away from the empty production office on my final day, secure in the knowledge that all of the loose ends are tied and that I may confidently add a line to my resume and IMDB. Usually I take a week to watch old movies, re-read my favorite book and overindulge in Japanese beer before striking out to find the next gig, before seeking the chance to do it all again.

Not this time, though.

With two days to go on this show and naught but the dumpster and the copy machines to be picked up, I was offered a slot on a new show that starts Monday. Moreover, this new show is moving into the production space that my old show just vacated. I took it, of course. This business is just too fickle to turn down work so I'll just have to make it without the usual decompression. I'll have to forgo the release of saying that I'll never be back this way. I won't get my tidy personal coda of a cigar and a stroll into the metaphorical sunset. And, that's just the way it's going to have to be.

Once more, unto the breach.




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12/19/2009

Fuck All!

That's something that I say a lot, my personal catch phrase, "Fuck All." I'm concerned that I have not effectively communicated the depth of the maxim. It seems this has been taken as a throw away statement, an empty signifier meant to communicate apathy. This is not so. Allow me to elaborate.

George Bush, fuck him. Fuck the Republican party, which is poor name for a group so dedicated to the erosion of the republic. Fuck the Democrats, too, but not as hard because, even though they’re every bit the bunch of shmucks the Red Dogs are, at least they mean well. Fuck politics, the people, the process and the pretense of power.

Fuck relationships. Fuck chocolates and flowers, cuddles, smiles and mock joy. Fuck PDA. Fuck the very idea that somehow we need someone else in order to be complete and fuck the fact that nobody realizes how dysfunctional that is. Fuck everyone that has ever said "I Love You," and not meant it. Fuck everyone who has ever cheated and everyone who has ever been cheated upon and not had the balls to walk away. Fuck anyone that has ever used sex to get something they didn't deserve and double fuck anyone that fell for it. I'm okay with half of all marriages ending in divorce but fuck the other half that end in death.

Fuck working and slaving at serving and cleaning up after ungrateful fucks that think a fat wallet counts for something other than compensation for a tiny cock. Fuck people that don't say thank you and fuck anyone that doesn't think before they speak. Fuck the rat race and the lie of a better life than our parents had. Fuck your boss who's only getting what he's getting because he pays you less than you're worth.

fuck punctuation?

Fuck body image and fashion and pop culture. Fuck the here and now. Fuck popularity and ten thousand - thousand ideas and ideals of how someone should be. Fuck rock hard abs and platinum blonde hair. I think I'm going to eat chocolate and fried cheese until I break out like a herpes grenade on my chin and forehead just so that I'll have an excuse not to fall in line with Carson fucking Daley, the guy on Queer Eye. Oh, wait, fuck me, that's a different Carson so fuck everyone named Carson because it's a stupid fucking name. Fuck cultural literacy and fuck everyone that wants to sell my own rebellion back to me. Fuck the colors for the season but don't fuck runway models, it's too gratifying to feel the knobby bones of their pelvis through their emaciated flesh, besides it's not good for their hunger addled minds. Fuck a sandwich and then feed it to them. Fuck The Swan and Extreme Makeover; fuck self help books and personal empowerment and anyone or anything that tries to instruct someone else on how to be.

The Guy in L5P that wears the Chinese cap and rides the dilapidated bicycle, definitely fuck him. Fuck him with something sharp. While we're on the topic of people in lil'5, fuck that ugly, foul smelling wench that has asked me for change every week for the two years I've been living here and then gets bitchy at me when I say no. "But I need help!" she says. "You need more help than I'm gonna give you now sod of and fucking die.”

Fuck Elisha Cuthbert, if only I could.

Fuck intellectualism. Throw it down on the hood of Dale Earnheart's car and fuck intellectualism senseless; it needs a good shagging. Fuck DeSassure and Marx. Fuck criticism. Fuck theories of all kind. I have a theory for you; theories suck. Fuck Mulvey, Heidegger, Lacan, Nietzsche, Rand, Descartes, Spinoza, Malebranche, Pascal, Locke, Leibniz, Berkeley, and Hume. Fuck Einstein, Hawking, Durkheim, Darwin, Sagan, Burke, Newton, Franklin, Dr. Mengela and fuck Jesus, too, just to make sure I've covered everyone, covered them in the steaming semen of my disdain.

Fuck anger and fuck frustration. Fuck disenfranchisement and fuck your contempt at my contempt. Fuck a world that never realizes that the height of human civilization is only a finger's width from the muck from which we climbed and can just as easily descend back towards.

And you know what, fuck you, too.

12/13/2009

Handin' Tickets out for God

"You'll grow up eventually," he said, my old boss from that summer job I had more than a decade ago, "You'll see how silly that is when you get older." He sneered, chuckled and strode into the back. His sentiment was hardly unique. I hear it, in some form or another, to this day.

It seems that a vast segment of America feels Paganism is somehow not real, that it's a joke, live-in performance art or misguided role play. They seem skeptical that people like me actually believe these things.

When I deign to mention my faith in mixed company, which I do with less and less frequency, I get statements like those above. I get furrowed brows, one sided grins and assertions that I'm just being contrary and will come to my senses eventually, that is if I'm not dismissed as a freak or foreigner too difficult to bother understanding. I'm told that it's natural to sample naturalistic, pantheistic, individualistic, tree-hugging bullshit when one is young and that my feelings on faith will eventually gravitate to something more reasonable and self-evident. I'm told that, barring anything else, I'll make a death bed conversion on the implicit knowledge that Jesus is the light and I've been knowingly fooling myself since I was fifteen.

These people must all have had a free spirited sibling that tried on a half dozen religions in their twenties only to come back to the church when they were told they'd be cut out of the will.

I have news for such people; I'm thirty years old. I'm not going to outgrow my religion. This is not a phase, not for me and not for the estimated three million other Pagans in North America. Faith is not a dalliance; it is a way of informing one's interaction with a vast and often hostile world. It is a method of understanding one's self, of building community and of framing the challenges of life, itself. I don't need scripture. I don't need teleological justification. I don't need salvation.

Do Jews experience this? Muslims? Who else's faith is dismissed as a temporary aberration of opinion that will one day correct itself, like we somehow feel that Pascal might go all in and force us to fold because the hand of our faith has been a bluff all along.

Enlightenment is at the end of many roads.



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12/09/2009

The Gimick of Prosperity Gospel

For those uninitiated, Prosperity Gospel is the Biblically dubious concept taught at many evangelical churches that god bestows material wealth on those whom he favors. Generally, this is with the explicit instruction that one must tithe to the church in order to receive the lord's good will. Typically, church leaders who espouse this philosophy become very wealthy on the largesse of their congregation and then use this wealth as a validation of this same policy.

This teaching, that one's worldly life will be improved by devotion, strikes me a symptom of the weakening of faith on a mass scale. The congregants of such churches, whether they realize it or not, don't really believe in afterlife rewards anymore. Salvation isn't enough anymore. The promise of heaven seems empty so religious institutions need to make more immediate promises in order to recruit and retain followers. They must sell religion as an investment scheme rather than a path to enlightenment.

There was a time when Xians were supposed to be absolutely contemptuous of worldly things. God could shit on you your whole life just to see if you'd remain faithful as he did to Job and no reward could be expected while one was on Earth. Poverty brought one closer to grace. The meek shall inherit, camels through the eyes of needles and all that.

No one in Evangelical America believes this anymore, of course. They may say that they do and might even believe it but, like all the business of religion, simply believing it does not make it true. The poster children for todays Xianity are rockstars that make fantastic amounts of money. Mega-churches are palaces that rival sports stadiums in size and multiplexes in comfort. The pastors at these churches often make six figures or more and they promise likewise to the most devoted from their flock.

In today's America, faith has become a ponzi scheme because greed sells better than God, himself
.



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12/04/2009

But, I Like Chai

Despite my last post, I've recently developed a taste for Chai. That's actually what started the train of thought that led me to write said post.

Some people have suggested to me that I can't be a tea purist and still drink chai. I argue that I can because Chai, when prepared properly is still 'tea' using my operational definition. In fact, "chai" or some variation is the word for tea a a number of Asian languages. What we call chai-tea is properly called "masala-chai," which means "spiced tea" in Hindi. Masala style is the traditional method of tea preparation in much of India and Pakistan.

The problem in the US is that most places don't prepare it properly. Rather than steeping the tea and spices in a blend of hot water and milk, they use a chai extract. It's a sort of tea/spice demiglas that they quirt into the hot water much like hazelnut syrup into a frilly coffee and then add foamed milk. This is where we get the "chai latte" popular at many chain coffee bars.

Personally I prefer it the original way. Try this recipie if you're interested.

Combine 1 flat teaspoon of loose-leaf darjeeling tea and a large pinch each of crushed cinnamon stick, crushed nutmeg, cardamom and two whole cloves in a large stainless steel tea ball or filter pouch.

Mix three parts water with one part whole milk and heat until just shy of boiling. Stir if need be to keep the milk from scalding.

With the water and milk still over heat, add the bag of tea and spices and let heat for 1-2 minutes.

Remove the mixture from heat and allow it to continue steeping for another 2-3 minutes.

Add sugar or gum syrup to taste.


There are hundreds of other styles so dig around on the internet to find the one that suits you.


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11/30/2009

I Am a Tea Purist.

As my mother tells it, I had my first taste of hot tea at the age of seven days. An under-sized infant, barely able to keep my eyes open for more than a few minutes at a time, my grandmother spoon fed me black tea in the English style, with milk and sugar. She didn't give me much, mind you, perhaps a table spoon's worth and she didn't make a practice of it. Gram just wanted to ensure that I would internalize my Anglo-Celtic heritage and grow up to be a tea drinker after the British tradition rather than a java guzzling American.

As it turns out, I grew up to be both. More than half of everything I drink is served hot and I drink coffee and tea in approximately equal measure, typically tea when I'm at home and coffee when I'm out.

Owing to the formative years I spent in England and, I'm certain, to my grandmother and father's inculations, I am now a tea purist. I have some very particular opinions about my favored beverage, specifically what tea is and what it is not. Mind you, I call myself a tea 'purist' rather than a tea 'snob.' I don't much care about the quality of the tea but rather the composition of the liquid that bears the name, which brings me to the point.

In recent years the U.S. beverage industry has taken to ascribing the word 'tea' to any concoction that involves steeping plant matter in hot water. This is entirely incorrect.

Tea is an actual plant. It is native to Asia, cultivated on all six inhabited continents and known to botanists as Camellia sinensis. The three most general types of true tea, usually denoted by color, white, green and black, are all produced from this plant and differ only in the methods of cultivation and the manner in which the plucked leaves are handled. In order for a beverage to properly be called 'tea' it must contain actual tea. You can spice it. You can sweeten it. You can chill it. You can add milk or do any one of a number of other things to augment it but if there's no actual tea leaves involved,* then it isn't tea.

Chamomile isn't tea, neither is Echinacea nor ginseng nor Labrador. Hot water with lemon is not tea. Red Bush tea, though I confess that I like it, is inaptly named as it is made from rooibos, not tea. Basil water and anything else that falls under then heading 'herbal tea' is properly called an infusion. Why, because it doesn't have any friggin' tea in it and therefore isn't tea anymore than coffee or vegetable soup is.

Please avail yourself of this nomenclature thus.




*Yes, I know, there are a number of kinds of "stem" tea or "mountain" tea that are made from the woody parts of the tea plant. Yes, those are tea also. Aren't you happy with yourself you pedantic little shit.


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11/23/2009

The Digital and Analog Generations - Part I

The anniversary of the Berlin Wall's fall was a few weeks ago. I didn't comment on it at the time but conversations surrounding the commemoration set me to thinking. It seemed that there were two distinct groups having two entirely different conversations, two unrelated bodies of experience surrounding that fateful day in 1989. My niece, my girlfriend, and one handful of friends had one set of thoughts on the subject while Joker, Friendly Genius, Weatherman and I had a fundamentally different set. On reflection, I've realized that that divide goes much deeper than opinions and understanding of recent history and of international politics.

It's a matter of age. There is a distinct divide in life experience between the "Analog" generations, people like me who were born before 1983 and the "Digital" generation, those born since. In the space of a year or two the American experience changed. Anyone approximately my age and older has clear memories of a time when the world was a much different place in terms of geopolitics, as represented by the Berlin Wall and also in terms of how we in the United States construct our national identity and even how we live our day to day lives. Anyone more than a few years younger than I doesn't remember this era. Though they may have lived through part of it, they were too young for it to have shaped their understanding.

The most obvious division and the one that started me on this line of thinking is that Soviet communism fell apart in 1989; I was ten years old. We Analogs remember this and had some inkling of its significance as it happened. We watched dozens of movies in which the villains were Russians or the cronies of a communist client state. We remember when the words “The Free World” had a clear definition. We grew up hearing stories of how teenagers in Moscow would risk a lifetime in Siberia to own a Beatles record. The municipal buildings in our hometowns all sported the three inverted triangles indicating a fallout shelter.

As late as 1987, my elementary school made us practice nuclear attack drills. “Duck and Cover,” the idea that putting one's hands behind one's head and hiding under a desk might protect one from an atomic explosion seemed every bit as ridiculous then as it does now. The difference is that the possibility of the Red Giant's missiles soaring over the pole to vaporize legions of innocent American school children was very real

To the children of the Digital era, this is as much history as Vietnam and the Watts riots are to me. Sure, they know people who lived through it but it doesn't meaningfully inform their thinking; it isn't quite real. But, it was real. It was very real and it was very scary. Three generations literally spent sleepless nights wondering if the entire world might erupt in nuclear fire before the sun came up.

Even now, we think of this as being the stuff of the sixties but one has to remember that the height of the nuclear arms race was the winter of 1983-84. If you're younger than thirty or so, terms like “glasnost,” “Evil Empire” and “Iron Curtain” lack their full gravitas. “Mister Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” doesn't seem like a defiant, dangerous or war-provoking statement because, of course he's going to tear it down; how could he not? Digitals have a hard time imagining a world without a golden arches every few miles because they don't recall the capitalist revolution when McDonald's opened it's first store in Moscow and they probably don't get the jokes about how the Russian government would never allow Taco Bell to do likewise because their slogan at the time was “Run for the Border.”

It seems a bit silly in retrospect but the reality is that, as recently as twenty years ago, over a billion and a half people lived in countries that resembled today's North Korea and we all assumed that it was just a matter of time before we went to war with them.

Nowadays we grumble about how Google allows the Chinese government to censor websites without stopping to consider that, for more than half a century, one third of the world was effectively sealed off from the remainder. As a child I was taught that I would never be able to send a letter or make a phone call, let alone travel to somewhere like Moscow, East Berlin or Prague, the last of which I did visit in 1997.

To fully understand the implications of the Berlin Wall's fall, Digitals need to understand not only the context of the Cold War but also the events of earlier that same year in China. Everyone's spent half a class period on it in high school history, of course, but like most momentous events, high school history class can't communicate the essence of the time. For a full month in early summer of '89, millions of Chinese, inspired by the passing of a prominent pro-democracy agitator, took to the streets to protest the policies of the Communist Party. There were demonstrations in almost every major city culminating in a mass protest in Beijing that exceeded a million participants. Students erected a white “Goddess of Democracy” statue in the heart of the city square. American news reported that the Communist Party was in tatters, afraid to react. We were told that a military crackdown had been ordered and that China's army generals were refusing to comply.

For a week at the end of that May, it really did look like Chinese Communism was over. News outlets all over the western world, many operating unmolested in Beijing itself, were predicting that the Democracy movement in China had reached critical mass and that it was only a matter of days until the government of the PRC and acquiesced and dissolved itself. This would, of course, fuel such movements in Russia and in it's collection of subordinate nations. Democracy was about to triumph in the PRC, with the USSR, North Korea, Cuba and all of their inheritors closely to follow. Network broadcasts were preempted every night for half a month as the tide of pro-democracy sentiment swept China. Without any hyperbole, we were all thinking that we just might see true, lasting, world peace by Christmas.

It didn't happen, of course. The Communist party did crack down. The media was silenced. Tanks rolled into Beijing, hundreds of protesters were killed and the movement's leaders were imprisoned or executed. For a few weeks we all thought that Democracy had triumphed only to see it brutally crushed overnight. “Bloodbath,” was the headline on the cover of Newsweek.

In the west, we remember this as the Tiananmen Square massacre. Digitals know it by the image of the single unarmed protester facing off with a column of tanks. While it did ultimately prompt the liberalization of China that continues to this day, at the time it seemed like the ultimate Communist push-back. The Evil Empire was forever. We'd never win and the threat of a thousand mushroom clouds would loom over the world until someone pushed the button or until the stars burnt out.

Only a few months later, though, the wall came down and the Soviet government announced its own impending dissolution. I remember my grandmother tearing up a bit, which is funny because there's not a drop of Eastern European blood in my family. My fifth grade teacher predicted that there would be cheering in the streets akin to that at the end of World War II. Democracy had triumphed after all. Fifty years of animosity, paranoia and brinksmanship were over. The world, more importantly our perception of the world changed literally overnight.

None of it turned out quite the way anyone predicted it, of course. The world was not swept up in a wave of good will. Peace did not reign and I think all of us who were there for it feel a bit foolish for having expected such. There was financial turmoil, political unrest and mass migration. We exchanged one global Cold War for hundreds of ethnic and economic skirmishes.

Certainly, I'm over-simplifying and probably romanticizing. I was ten years old, after all. The important thing to remember is that these things happened. The social, political, military and economic consequences of the Second World War finally played themselves out and by 1991 we were left with a world that resembles the world of today, whereas the world of 1989 more resembled that of 1964. I am nearly as young as one can be and have understood these things as they occurred but it does not change the fact that I am still one of those who, as Freddy Mercury sang, "Grew up, tall and proud, in the shadow of the mushroom cloud."

Anyone younger is not. The defining geopolitical moment of their life involved a tragedy of twisted faith, skyscrapers and airliners. I say with some confidence that, despite this, the world is a much safer place now than in 1988.



It occurs to me that this post is already several times longer than I intended and the fall of the USSR is only one of several experiences that denote the line between the Digital and Analog Generations. I'll save the rest for another post.

Let me ask, then. Which generation are you? What aspect of history most informs your understanding of the modern world? What do you think is going to define the life experiences of our children and grandchildren that are only academic to us? What are you going to do to play a part in it?



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